Killing Me [Explanation] Lyrics - Conan Gray

[Verse 1]
It's 2 AM, hear the cellular ringin'
Got the curious feelin' you're fiendin' for love
But the thing is, we haven't spoken for weeks
I love you bad, that's the problem occurrin'
Better love I deserve, and I'm hurtin'
But sadly, I worship every moment we meet

The first verse describes a scene at 2 AM where the singer's phone is ringing. They have a strong intuition that the person on the other end of the call is yearning for love. However, the singer points out that they haven't spoken to this person for several weeks. Despite the lack of communication, the singer confesses that they are deeply in love with this individual. They acknowledge a problem in their affection, expressing a desire for better love and experiencing emotional pain. Still, every moment they spend with this person is cherished and revered.

[Pre-Chorus]
So you take and you take 'cause you know you can
And I chase as you're chasin' another man
Try to break, see your face and I know that I can't

In the pre-chorus, the lyrics describe a cycle of behavior. The person the singer loves takes advantage of the singer's affection, knowing that they can. Meanwhile, the singer continues to chase after this person, even as they pursue other romantic interests. The singer attempts to break free from this unhealthy cycle, but whenever they see this person's face, they find it impossible to let go.

[Chorus]
Oh
You're killing me
You're not makin' it easy (Ah-ah-ah)
Too busy deceivin' and cheatin' and lyin' and competin'
To know how lucky you are
You're killing me
I just want you to free me (Ah-ah-ah)
And though I am cryin' and bleedin' and barely breathin'
I can't let go of your heart

The chorus underscores the emotional toll that the relationship is taking on the singer. The person's actions are described as "killing" the singer, making it extremely difficult for the singer to find peace. The person is portrayed as deceitful, unfaithful, and competitive with others in a way that causes the singer immense pain. Despite the suffering, the singer is unable to release their emotional attachment to this person's heart.

[Verse 2]
I take your call, you say, "What's the matter?"
Then you lie to me faster and faster, you're such a good actor
I hear your car in the driveway

In the second verse, the person's dishonesty continues to create conflict in the relationship. The singer answers their call, and the person lies at an increasingly rapid pace, highlighting their skill as an actor. The sound of the person's car in the driveway suggests they are physically present, which adds to the emotional turmoil.

[Pre-Chorus]
Now you're tossin' a rock at my windowpane
Said, "I don't wanna talk, just go away"
But you claw at the locks 'til I let you invade

The pre-chorus repeats, emphasizing the persistent behavior of the person in the singer's life. They throw a rock at the singer's window and express a desire not to talk, but their actions contradict their words as they continue to pursue the singer.

[Chorus]
Oh
You're killing me (Killing)
You're not makin' it easy (Ah-ah-ah)
Too busy deceivin' and cheatin' and lyin' and competin'
To know how lucky you are (Oh)
You're killing me (Killing)
I just want you to free me (Ah-ah-ah)
And though I am cryin' and bleedin' and barely breathin'
I can't let go of your heart

The chorus is repeated, reinforcing the idea of the relationship causing intense emotional suffering for the singer. The person's actions continue to be described as "killing" the singer, making it challenging for them to break free from the relationship.

[Bridge]
I wanna die, but you keep me alive
You're killing me, you're killing me
I wanna die, but you keep me alive
You're killing me, you're killing me
I wanna die, but you keep me alive
You're killing me, you're killing me
Fight to survive, oh, love of my life

The bridge conveys the singer's internal struggle and emotional conflict. It implies that the relationship is both destructive and life-sustaining. The singer expresses a desire to die, yet they acknowledge that this person is keeping them alive, creating a complicated and painful dichotomy.

[Chorus]
Oh-oh
You're killing me (Killing)
You're not makin' it easy (Ah-ah-ah)
Too busy deceivin' and cheatin' and lyin' and competin'
To know how lucky you are (Oh)
You're killing me (Killing)
I just want you to free me (Ah-ah-ah)
And though I am cryin' and bleedin' and barely breathin'
I can't let go of your heart

The chorus is repeated once more, emphasizing the singer's emotional turmoil and the difficulty of breaking free from this toxic relationship. The person's actions continue to be described as harmful, and the singer longs to be freed from their hold, even though it's causing them immense pain and suffering.

[Outro]
I wanna die but you keep me alive
You're killing me (Killing), you're killing me (Killing, oh-oh)
I wanna die but you keep me alive
No, I can't let go of your heart
You're killing me (Ha)

In the outro, the singer reiterates their desire to die, yet they can't let go of this person's heart, emphasizing the ongoing struggle and emotional attachment that characterizes the relationship.